Ok. So I knew for quite a while that I was quazi screwed in the "packing" department, but now it has just gotten ridiculous. When I say ridiculous, I should just emphasize that the ambiguity of the life I have signed up for for 2.25 years of my life has pushed me to borderline lunacy, and I now just find it all hilarious. It is my unknown, ridiculous, ambiguous, enigmatic, frustrating, crazy, daring, stupid, exciting adventure. At this point, I'm just amused. Always amused and somewhat scandalized, for lack of a better word.
Here's the thing. I am going to Peru, but I have no idea if I will be on the coast, in the Andes, or in the Amazon. Peru is apparently 3 times the size of California, and therefore includes an outrageous number of extremely different environments/climates. As my "Welcome Book" states, I could be in the desert that borders the Pacific, highland valleys, treeless plains, the ANDES (read: SNOW), to tropical jungle. Yeah. Some places have rainy season, some places it doesn't rain at all.
Packing for two and a quarter years of my life is hard enough in two suit cases that can not be more than 107" total and collectively can not weigh more than 100 pounds. That's more than my students this summer pack for their 7 day conference. Ahem....yeah.
THEN throw in all that ridiculous ambiguity about what kind of climate I'm going to be living in, all of which require a different kind of wardrobe. Do I bring rainboots? Do I need to buy higher quality rainboots? What will I be able to buy in Peru? Do I need fleece jackets and parkas? Or do I need shorts and tank tops? Do I want mostly long jean pants and long sleeved shirts? Or do I want a bathingsuit and a really big hat? Do I want snow boots or flip flops? Wool blanket or mosquito netting? And on top of everything, if I don't pack something I find out I desperately need later, will anywhere in Peru have the kind of clothing I'm looking for that is big enough to fit my 5'10" fatass frame? Because as I've heard it, everyone there is either 5 feet or shorter...last time I checked I'm about a whole extra person taller and bigger around. I don't want to be the Gringa that has to wear a potato sack because nothing else can fit over her over-nourished inner tube, or the Blancita who has to fashion a bed sheet into a toga dress because everything else isnt long enough to cover her lady parts. I GOTTA KNOW WHAT TO PACK!!!
You get the idea.
BUT THEN. buuuuuuuut then. (channel Louis black for my tone here. If you don't know who he is, look him up on youtube, he's hysterical)
BUT THEN. Reading through my lovely little welcome book, I discover the following paragraph.
"In cities and larger towns, attire should be professionally casual - skirts or slacks for women, slacks and button-down shirts with collars for men. Work clothes at field or rural sites will be more informal - for example, men and women may wear jeans and boots."
...what do I do with that information? Jeans or skirts? do I need to buy slacks? do I need more dress pants? What if I get there and I'm somewhere rural. What do i do with all the nice pants I packed? Am I going to end up wearing the same damn pair of jeans every day? oi. I can smell myself already.
Why don't you just have your Mom ship you what you need?
Well, that's a great point, self. Let me explain the details that only complicate my current predicament.
This is what my welcome book has to say:
"All packages over half a kilo (1.1 pounds) or with a declared value of $100 or more will be assessed customs duty fees based on the value of the items enclosed. This is a time consuming process."
Good.
So, Mr. Welcome Book. What do you suggest I do to pack expertly for this crazy adventure?
"The climate impacts dress significantly."
well thank you captain obvious. Anything else to add?
"In warmer areas, men will wear shot-sleeved shirts and women, sleeveless blouses and dresses. In colder areas, men and women wear sweaters and jackets. It is best to bring a variety of clothing."
i hate you, Mr. Welcome Book and your contradictory/impossibly demanding message.
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