Why do I do this job? Part 1 of 3

It has been a crazy half-month since I started my job.  I spent some time in Baltimore for training.  I wondered for a little while why I was working for them again when I had five seconds to remember what it was like last year.  After getting back into it, I realized that I came back to do it because it is rewarding.  It feels sometimes like the world’s most impossible job because you work from 7am until midnight everyday, you pound coffee to keep your eyes open, you have to perform an attitude check about every ten minutes because you’re so tired it would be only too easy to wander around hating everyone, you have a billion things you need to remember and be prepared for because you are constantly facilitating and explaining and leading and if your team is off the conference beat for a second, everyone knows and it is your fault because they are your responsibility.  You can’t slip up even the tiniest detail because everyone is watching and the conference moves so fast there is no time for mistakes or corrections.  I can’t forget my nametag while I’m trying to remember if I prepared the necessary flip chart paper for the six different activities we are doing that day, the tape I need to stick it to the board, the markers I will need to write with, my accountability sheet on my clipboard because I have to take attendance at lecture, so did I tell my kids to rally a few minutes early so we would be the first to the lecture hall?  Did I look through the powerpoint presentation I will be giving this evening and did I remind the kids about the project they have due tomorrow?  What time is rally time for this evening because I need to make sure that the kids know when we are gathering after dinner, and did I tell them they have to be in professional dress? Who is here? How many students do I have already and are they all dressed appropriately? Do they all have their binders and nametags? Have I memorized the script for the simulation teaser? Do I have the staff biographies that I have to read while I emcee opening session?  Did I remember a few extra pens because my students always forget them? Do I have my phone and my watch? Did I remember my room key and did I turn my light off? Am I late? Did I tell the office about the broken blinds in room 602? 

            I ask myself a billion questions a day that I HAVE to know the answer to when my mind is working off of fumes.  I have kids who want to break the rules, make awkward comments, joke around, not participate, make bad decisions, ask tons of questions, complain, take no personal responsibility for themselves, and make teammates feel bad.  I have to handle that. At night I have to watch them, sit somewhere on duty and make sure that they don’t break the rules, I have to answer a million of their questions, I have to do bed checks every night, and I have to sit through 45 minutes of staff meeting so I can answer all my own and everyone else’s questions the next day.  On top of all that, I am a staff veteran this year, so I have experience and my fellow Team Leaders and program managers also ask my advice and for my help all the time.  This job is INSANE. I am the question master, a team leader, a supervisor, a confidant, an advisor, an RA, a mentor, a role model, an example, another pair of eyes, a rule enforcer, a facilitator, a lecturer, and a counselor.  I am also exhausted!

            But I came back, and after a session, I know why.  I may get paid diddly-squat, but I am great at this job. I can do it all, and although I have laugh-crying fits during staff meeting sometimes, or during lunch, I am GREAT at my job.  I rise to every occasion, I do what is asked of me AND what is not, and despite the fact that I have literally nothing left at the end of every session, I know that means I gave it my all.  I am great at a really difficult, really challenging job.  It may not be really intellectually challenging, but just the mere demand on energy, time, and diverse skill sets, as well as the assumption that you are on your game 17 hours a day, makes it challenging.  I am good at my job, and it pushes me to perform attitude checks, remain calm, think about how to approach situations of conflict, work well with a group, cultivate a team culture, pinpoint others’ strengths, keep my sense of humor, exude confidence, improve my public speaking abilities and comfort level in front of a crowd, and most importantly, to stay organized so that my day runs like clockwork and so that I have all the answers for all the people who need them.

            I think I work pretty well in a group because I am great with people and feeling out how to interact with them in a way that is most natural and comfortable for them.  Sometimes my ability to be a chameleon freaks me out a bit.  A weakness of mine is that I do think that I am quick to discover people’s weaknesses and to be frustrated quickly by them.  I always find myself later feeling like I have been too hard on them in my own mind (I try to keep my mouth shut). That is something I will have to work on for sure.

            So I had a crazy 10 day conference that I was happy to see end because I was in desperate need for some sleep.  I took an accidental four hour nap that day, from 1-4:30, and when I woke up I got to meet Lilly, my brother Jamey’s girlfriend, on M street to buy him a present, go out to dinner, and go see Bad Teacher, which was pretty funny.  It was great to see her, great to get away from campus and see someone different.  I adore her, and we had a good time together.